the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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