Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
