So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
