I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
