u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
