Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
