Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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