Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
