This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
be right there i have to get my cape
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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