I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
