spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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