You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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