Acid is not a monday night drug
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
