she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
