Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
