i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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