I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
