4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
