K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I have tasted many bathrooms
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
