The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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