i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize