k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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