i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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