in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
