The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
