I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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