What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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