Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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