Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
