Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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