Cold hands, warm shart.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
