you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i just google imaged poop.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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