Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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