i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
