just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
