She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
