Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
is it fun? or sober?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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