life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
