And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
