i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
