it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize