My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
