Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
