every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Hippo gnu deer
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
