"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
