After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
