idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize