The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize