I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i think i have two assholes
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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