This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
