Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
