I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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