even my farts smell like vagina
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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