people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize