This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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