Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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