I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Randomize
