Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
