I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
