Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
