I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
