I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Randomize
