Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize