Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
