she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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