OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
