so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
