It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize