Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize
