Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Actions speak louder than pants.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Randomize
