Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I'm at about main and main street
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
