I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
