just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
